My pet Alien is Addicted to World of Warcraft
by MuffinPirate
Summary: Zexion is hiding a huge secret from his fiance, Axel. Axel, who thinks that Zexion has no clue, has been cheating on him, several times. Zexion hits the road, trying to start a new life, but how will that work out for him? Mpreg, Zemyx, AkuZeku, AkuRoku!
1. That's right, beat that dark elf!

X-x My pet Alien is Addicted to World of Warcraft x-X

Why, oh _why_, was he going through with this? He knew that he shouldn't be doing this, considering what _he_ had done to him. Oh, the _things_ he had done. But still… Ugh. But, but--!

-X-x-X Flashback X-x-X-

"_Axel, I'm back!"_ _Zexion shouted throughout the apartment. He walked into the kitchen area, seeing a note left by the man._

_'_Hey, Zex-o:

Went to go make preparations, man. Be back around eight-ish.

-Ax'

_It read. 'Preparations?' Zexion thought. 'That means that he would be either at Confession or… shopping?' He dropped his book bag on the floor by their homely couch, and walked back to their shared room to get a change of clothes. _

_As he was putting a new shirt on, a nice white button-up, he checked the time on the alarm clock. 8:30 PM was what the bright green digits read. 'It's past eight… but he said eight-ish, of course. Zexion, you have trust issues!' He thought, putting on a pair of black socks as he sat on the end of the bed. __He stood up, and swiftly put on a plain black tie before grabbing his keys and once again left the apartment._

_It seems that Zexion was mostly right as to where Axel was: at the church. He walked in, and a ghost of a smile appeared on his face when he heard his lover's voice from another room. But, not to Zexion's surprise, it wasn't any kind of confession being said. Actually, they were familiar words that Zexion had been overhearing for what seemed like forever, and it made his miniscule smile disappear._

"_Hey, it's past eight, I got to go… He'll get suspicious. You know, he's that kind of guy," Said Axel. Another voice spoke. "Why are you even with him still, then? You told me that--"_

"_Yea, yea, I know. I don't know why I'm still hangin' around." 'He's the kind of guy who seems like he won't give a horses ass if I left him, but if I actually did… He'd be shattered. Fuck,' Axel thought after saying what he did._

_Zexion had by this time had sat himself down on a pew, and just looked around as he listened. Zexion was used to this; this most certainly was not the first time Axel had been cheating on him._

_Zexion, for some reason, didn't really mind. Just as long as the damned other male paid his share of rent every month, he'd be able to put up with him, he supposed. And what baffled him even more, was that for some strange reason, this time, he found himself caring about this situation._

_Out of _all_ the times Axel had been doing this supposedly behind his back, it was just now starting to hurt. What the hell? Maybe it was because of the-- no, couldn't be._

_It was at that moment that Axel walked out, looking the slightest bit disheveled. Zexion must have missed when Axel told whoever it was he was with that he really had to go. Axel spotted Zexion, and jumped._

"_Ah! Zexion! What are you doing here?? I thought you would be at home, like, reading or something?" He asked, still shocked. Zexion gave him a fake, sweet smile._

"_Yes, I just… didn't feel like it today, is all. So I decided to come and wait," He told Axel. He made sure to look extra naïve. "It does get rather… hot in Confession, doesn't it? I haven't the faintest idea as of why it does, but oh well!" He said in a feigned cheery voice._

_Axel looked relieved. "Yea… yea. I don't know why, either," he said, walking over to the now standing Zexion, and put his arm around his shoulder. Axel passionately kissed him, and they walked home, both pretending as if nothing was out of place._

_--_End Flashback--

And now today was the day. That dreadful bastard of a day; their wedding. And would you look at that: he and Axel were already at the altar. Zexion barely remembered walking down the blasted aisle, or the priest reading whatever it is they read at weddings.

Ugh, I know, this has been going way too fast, hasn't it? Well, let's just have some things explained.

Our dear old Zexion here, was only doing this for one reason. Oooh ho ho, yessss. _But!_ He wasn't sure if he was doing the right thing though, oh no. He was kind of secretly keeping a huge secret of a thing from Axel, and the best solution to the result would be to stay with Axel.

… Well, no. Not really. But still... maybe?

"And do you, Zexion Callahan, take Axel Cunningham as your lawfully wedded husband?"

Whoa, wait, what? 'What?! Now?!' Zexion screamed in his head. He still hadn't made his decision though!! He glanced at the priest, then at Axel, then at the priest again, vaguely aware of how sweaty he was.

"Uh… I… uh…" He stumbled with his words, his brain working overtime trying to come to a decision. "I… I don--"

"Then you may kiss the groom," The priest interrupted, obviously in some kind of hurry to do something. Zexion's head whipped in his direction, eyes wide. On a side note, if his hair weren't tied up so as to not be in his face, it would have whipped some sweat onto both Axel and the priest. Yea.

Zexion turned back to Axel, the crowd of people watching on curiously at Zexion's strange behavior.

Axel looked at him weird as well, but after a moment leaned in to kiss his new husband. About a couple inches away from his face, Zexion flipped. "I said no!!" He yelled, pulling back his fist and punching Axel with a right hook straight to the side of the head.(1)

The crowd either screamed or gasped as Axel stumbled to keep his balance, hissing, "What the hell!?" and holding his head. Zexion looked… _insane_. He was sweaty, shaky, and his eyes were wide and he was breathing heavily.

"I said… No!" He repeated, before breaking into a sprint for the door. Axel somehow predicted this, and dove for his feet. He successfully brought Zexion to the ground, only to be kicked in the face by his foot, causing him to let go and nurse his face again.

Zexion swiftly stood and ran out the doors. Now, in this state of mind, poor Zexion just couldn't think straight. Really, would _you_ be able to if you had just done something like that? I probably would have peed my pants!

Zexion frantically looked around, hearing Axel's yelling growing louder, which of course meant he was getting closer. Zexion noticed an open car door, with an arm reaching out to close it.

"Ahhh! No! No! Wait, don't close that fucking door!" Zexion screamed, running as fast as he could towards the car. A head poked out, confused. When the male saw Zexion charging towards him, his eyes widened and he disappeared inside.

Zexion heard him scream, "Shit! He's coming! Demyx, go, go, go!" just as he dove into the back seat. "Yes!" He yelled. "Go! Go, go, go!!"

Demyx, panicking, as was everyone else, stepped on the gas when it was clear and sped off. Zexion just lay stretched out on four people, one with silver hair, and two with brown, and one with blonde. His head lay in that of both the older brunette's and the youngest blonde's, who both looked both irritated and confused, while calming down.

After only a few moments of speeding off, they reached a red light. By this time, Zexion had calmed down a bit. He sat up and looked out the back window, seeing none other than Axel still running after him.

Zexion glared, and clumsily crawled over to the window nearest to Axel, rolling it down. He stuck his arm out, flipping his ex the bird, while screaming, "Fuck you!" At him. This effectively made Axel stop running, who returned the gesture to Zexion.

Zexion, in all his insanity, laughed like a mad man, and collapsed back onto the three he was on. One of the men, the elder brunette, cleared his throat.

"Sir? You're on our loins," He said, gesturing for all three to push him off of them. He landed in the foot space, still laughing. "Just… get me out of here, will you?" He asked when he finally settled down.

Here is some helpful info about the layout of the car: The driver would be the middle blonde, and in the passenger's seat the eldest. In the back seat going from left to right would be the eldest brunette who is squished next to the youngest blonde on his right. Next to him is the youngest brunette and then the silverette. Then of course on the ground is Zexion.

"Alrighty, Mister, but our destination is the next three cities over," Replied the driver. "Is that alright?"

"Yes! Just… anywhere but near _him._" Zexion said, raising up his arm and giving the finger to no one in particular. "Well alrighty-tighty then!" The driver chirped. After a few moments of silence, the silver-haired one looked down at him. "So, did you like run away from a psych ward or something?" He asked.

"Riku!" Yelled the elder brunette and blonde in unison. The elder blonde, not the driver, was in the passenger's seat. Zexion just cackled. "No! That _ass_-- I ran away from that asshole. He was trying to kiss me, and the stupid priest cut me off, and--!" He explained, grabbing his hair and hissing.

"So you ran away from your _wedding?_" Asked the elder blonde. "Yes, I did! I don't even know why I didn't break it off before-hand, say _years_ ago. That bastard has been cheating on me with several different people for as long as we've been together and I've just been sitting around pretending to be so _fucking_ naïve about it all; a_lways_ creating some excuse to make him believe I've never caught him!" Zexion ranted. "So I punched him! And I ran, and now here we are!" He finished, crossing his arms.

The youngest blonde, Roxas, really wasn't paying attention. But when he heard Zexion mumble 'stupid fucking Axel', that had most certainly caught his attention. He looked at Zexion, shocked. "What did you say his name was??" He asked.

Zexion stared at him. "That asshole's name is Axel. Axel fucking Cunningham, that's what it is." He told Roxas, who looked horrified. 'This is that guy!' he thought. 'This is that guy Axel was telling me about… he left Axel at the altar?!'

In the awkward silence that proceeded after Roxas questioned Zexion, the driver decided to break the ice.

"So! I guess now that we're traveling together, we ought to give introductions. I'm Demyx Jones!"(2) He said, cheery as usual. The man next to him, who was much more calmer, went next. "I am Cloud Strife," He said. He reminded Zexion of his longtime favorite animal, a chocobo.

Everyone introduced themselves, including Zexion. It might have been pretty obvious, but just in case it goes: Squall (It's Leon!), Roxas, Sora and Riku. There had been another awkward silence soon after, so Demyx got the radio going.

Roxas sat there thinking about Axel, still shocked about how Zexion did in fact know about the affair his ex had been having, but not knowing who it was with. He looked down to Zexion, only to find him asleep.

…Well that did seem like a good idea, seeing as everyone else besides Cloud and Demyx seemed to be drifting off as well. So, Roxas lay his head on Sora's shoulder and passed out.

--

When he awoke, everyone who had been asleep when he himself dozed off, was still asleep. He relaxed for a moment, thinking about stuff. Then he remembered Axel. 'That stupid ass! I can't believe he left Axel like that! Poor Axel…' He thought, glaring at Zexion. He kicked the closest part of Zexion he could, which was his stomach.

Zexion awoke with a start at the third kick, seeing as Roxas couldn't really successfully kick him when he was laying so close to him on the ground. "Stop kicking my stomach!" He yelled, panicking. "What do you want??" He then asked, glaring at Roxas. The boy returned the expression.

"Why the hell did you leave Axel at the altar like that! He doesn't deserve that!" Roxas hissed. Zexion looked taken aback. "Excuse me? He most certainly _does_ deserve it! That bastard has cheated on me about seven times, and he got me--" Zexion stopped in mid-sentence, seething.

Roxas just glared at him, and turned away. "I think we should drop him off here, Demyx," He said. Demyx glanced back at them. "Uh, _why?_ That'd be extremely rude," He said. "So? He's an ass!" Zexion glared at Roxas at that comment.

"Roxas, shut up. Just because you're on your man-period doesn't mean you need to attack him like that. Some of us would like to continue sleeping, thank you," Cloud mumbled, effectively making Roxas scowl and be quiet for the rest of the way.

--

Finally, after hours and hours of traveling, they had made it. It was dark out, but they made it nonetheless. Leon had to help Zexion up and out, because he was stuck and half asleep. They all got their luggage, which they somehow all miraculously managed to fit in the trunk of the car, and carried it up to the log cabin that Demyx, Cloud and Leon shared. It was in the middle of nowhere, it seemed, surrounded by a not-so-thick forest. 'I might be able to go for a few walks through this,' thought Zexion as he glanced around. 'it'd do me good to get some fresh air, anyway...'

He followed everyone in, helping everyone with luggage. Once everybody had their stuff to pack away, Zexion went and sat on a homely couch. Leon had left to drop Roxas off at his own house. After a few silent moments of Zexion looking around and examining the room, Demyx walked out and sat next to him, turning on the television. He turned to Zexion. "So you can like, sleep out here on the couch or something until you find a place. It's a hide-away so we can just pull it out every night and such," He told him. Zexion gave him a confused look. Demyx must have read his mind

Zexion smiled and said his thanks. They pulled it out and got it ready, and soon Zexion found himself snuggled up in the blankets watching a movie on TBS. When Leon came back from dropping of Roxas, he said good night when he walked through the living room, going and joining his Cloud in bed. Yes, possessive noun.

Zexion was honestly surprised at how easy he slept that night.

--End Chp1--

--

Hey, hey, psssssst. Review. :l

I _always_ forget to add these things xD:

(1) You want to know when I thought of this part? While I was going pee.

(2)Do you see it? _Do you see it?!_ Mwuahahaha! No, it's not a reference to IthItcTjtt, it's a reference to DAVID BOWIE, that god of a guy! 'How?' you ask? 'Jones' was his real last name before that bastard of a Monkee (the band) came around calling himself Davey Jones too, so he changed his last name to 'Bowie' after the knife. Spiffy, eh?


	2. Brownie Palooza

Hey wanna hear a song or two? No? Well too fucking bad.

_Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday dear Cody! Happy birthday to me!_ Here's another.

_Happy happy birthday, from all of you to me, you wish it were your birthday so you could party too!_ lD

Well by the time I get this up it won't be any more, but June the 25 of '94 I was born. It was 3:40 PM-ish and 114 degrees Fahrenheit out! Ho' damn, that's how awesome I am. My party's Saturday; I hope I get the Sims 3!!

…So uh, Michael Jackson died. When my mommas told me over the phone, my heart kinda skipped a beat. I was like, 'lolz wut??' and proceeded to text everyone I know about it.

---

The next morning, it took Zexion a few moments to figure out where he was and what he was doing there. 'Where…? What…?... Ah. Yes. That's right.' He had thought, looking around. Now, he most certainly wasn't expecting to find a teen curled up to him, watching the television that lay across from where Zexion had slept.

Sora was curled up against him, his head and hand on Zexion's shoulder and stomach. His shock of chocolate brown hair was all in Zexion's face, even going up his nose a small bit. 'Now how the hell was I not woken up from that?' Zexion thought.

Upon further examination, Zexion found out that Sora had fallen asleep watching television, and was now drooling all over Zexion's shoulder. How pleasant. Zexion didn't want to be rude and wake the boy up ('Zexion what are you saying? He's barely a boy and you're barely an adult!' He thought), so Zexion concluded to just stay where he was and try to possibly maybe fall back asleep.

What a great idea! His doctor would like that, he even told him so. So Zexion let his eyes droop, but then of course stupid o' Johnny Bravo over there had to go and do something ridiculous. Now you're all probably like, 'Ohhh, Johnny Bravo! I used to watch _that_, hur hur!' possibly maybe. But then you'd be like, 'oh wait yea, what did he cause?' and so then I'd tell you.

Sora wasn't actually sleeping. Apparently, he just tends to do weird stuff like that, feigning sleep. So anyhow, Mr. Johnny Bravo had done something stupid as per usual, and this had caused Sora to laugh like a banshee. How pleasant. So Zexion just turned his head to him and gave him a weird look. Sora looked at him too, and grinned; but it disappeared rather quickly when he realized that he may have woken up Mr. Callahan.

"Oh I'm sorry Mr. Callahan sir! Did I wake you up??" Sora asked, alarmed. Zexion just stared at him. "No, not really. But why are you…" He stopped short, hoping that Sora would get the message. Sora gave him a blank stare. So Zexion blinked at him once, slowly.

"Why are you… cuddled up against me?" Zexion asked deadpan. Sora still looked blank, before everything dawned on him. "Oh!_ Oh!_ Yea that. Well see, I woke up this mornin' all cheery and happy as usual, right? So then I was like, halfway through my waffles, I was like, 'oh my galoshes! The Johnny Bravo marathon is going to start soon!'! So then I-- oh yea, my waffles! Well anyway, so then I came out here only to find you!" He grinned and poked Zexion's nose. Zexion didn't really enjoy that. "Seeing you there all curled up in a wee little ball made me coo because you were soooo cute! But then I remembered Johnny Bravo, and seeing as you kind of took the couch… I joined you! But then I got _cold_ so I--"

"Alright," Zexion interrupted, opting to not hear the rest of Sora's story. Sora gave him a curious look. "So can I stay then?" He asked, snuggling his face back into Zexion's shoulder. Zexion sighed and put a hand to his face. "…Yes, I suppose you may…" He said, making Sora squeal right in his ear.

Zexion winced. "Keep that up and he's going to kick your ass, Sora," Said Leon from the doorway that led to the kitchen. Sora squealed in fear and scoot about two centimeters away. "Haven't you ever heard of 'personal spa--"

"Hey I made brownies!" Demyx shouted as he appeared next to Leon holding a tray of brownies, successfully cutting off Zexion. The smell wafted throughout the whole room, making everyone drool at the mouth save for Zexion. Sora squealed yet again, and squeezed Zexion as he did so. "It's so yummmmmmy!" He said.

Now normally, Zexion would've done the same thing that Sora had just done to him. He was a secret brownie monster, and usually he would end up eating all of whatever ones were around. He usually blamed whatever inanimate object was closest before scuttling back into his room, actually.

But for some strange reason, this time he found it…sickening. Like, literally. And Sora's constant squeezing didn't help much at all. Zexion felt like he was going to puke at any second, and he tried to make the feeling go away by breathing deep breaths. Sora noticed this and asked if he was ok.

Zexion looked at him, and the next thing he knew, he was puking all over Sora's face! Zexion put his hand to his mouth, but it was too late, and plus, some puke continued to leak through. Sora had practically leaped off the hideaway bed and onto the floor, howling.

Leon had run over to Sora and brought him into the kitchen to clean him up, and Demyx flew to Zexion's side frantically asking if he were alright. Zexion just kept nodding as he went to sit up with his legs on the ground and his hand on his mouth the whole time.

In the background, Riku and Cloud could be heard asking what was going on. Riku flipping at the sight of Sora, and ran into the other room to confront Zexion. "Why'd you go and do _that?!_" Riku screamed at him. Demyx glared as he rubbed his hand in a circular motion on Zexion's back. "It's not like he could help it! Screw off and leave the poor guy alone!" He yelled at him, making Riku scowl and stalk off.

"Hey, you ok?" Demyx asked Zexion, who in return just sight and nodded. "I'm sorry about that, I really don't know what came over me… I… I actually love brownies, I'm a bit of a--"

"Aw, it's okee-dokee!" Demyx said, once again interrupting Zexion. "Heh, I guess you're gonna need to clean up then? I'll show you the bathroom," He said, standing up. He led Zexion to the bathroom, who proceed to strip his suit shirt off and try and wash out all of the puke. Unfortunately, he was very much unsuccessful. He came out of the bathroom, holding the shirt to his chest. He was way too embarrassed to come out shirtless!

"Um… Mr. Jones?" He called out. Instead of catching the attention of Demyx though, Cloud walked over to him. "Hey, what do you need?" He asked. "Oh, um… my shirt, I can't get the--"

"You're still in your suit from the wedding," Cloud interrupted. Zexion was really getting tired of being interrupted; he wondered if the two were related in any way. "C'mon, let's go see if any of Riku's stuff fits you. You can wear his stuff for a while until we get you some new stuff or something," Cloud told him, leading him to a guest room.

He started rummaging through Riku's stuff (Without permission! Tsk tsk, Cloud!) and pulled out a shirt and shorts. "Riku likes to wear this tight stuff too, and he's just a little bit bigger than you so you should fit in these fine," He said. Zexion was taken aback by that. "How old is he??" He asked Cloud. "Oh. Um. Like, sixteen? Seventeen? Something like that," Zexion hmmed. 'I am not that small!' He pouted and thought.

"Oh hey Zex-o! There you are!" Demyx said as he walked in. "Getting some new clothes, eh? Here, let me go wash that for you!" He grinned and took the formal shirt away from Zexion, with a little bit of a struggle.

This caused Zexion to blush in embarrassment, and pulled his arms close to him and looked to the ground. "D'aww, you have a little gut from eating so much brownies, you little purple piggy!" Demyx cooed, poking Zexion's slightly bulging stomach.

This caused Zexion's face to turn beet red, and he slapped Demyx's hand away as he gave a strangled yell. He turned to Cloud and yanked the clothes from his hands, before running out of the room. Cloud smiled a super small smile after him, and Demyx grinned as per usual.

"Where's the bathroom!" Zexion yelled from the hall. "Third door to the left!" Demyx yelled after him, and a second later there was the sound of a door slamming.

After changing, Zexion came out, slightly uncomfortable. The pants fit fine, as they were the tightness that he did normally like for pants, but he couldn't button or zip them up. The shirt was also tight, and it was obvious you could see his 'brownie gut'. With it on, you could see a little bit of his skin. 'Ugh, how embarrassing,' Zexion thought, hiding his blushing face in his hands.

Maybe he could go and find some better clothes in that boy's trunk…? No, that'd be rude. But these clothes were ridiculous on him… Zexion didn't want to overstay his welcome, so he decided that he'd just have to live with these clothes for the day.

He wandered around for a while, until he found the living room again. The bed he had slept on the previous night was still out, so he collapsed on it and curled up in a comfortable position as he watched the television.

At one point, Zexion got up and wandered into the kitchen to make himself a sandwich. Riku had been sitting at the table with Sora, and both were eating pasta salad. Riku's eyes

Traveled up and down Zexion's body, noticing something familiar about what he was wearing. "Oh hey! What the _hell_ is this!!" He yelled a few moments later, realization dawning on him.

"Those are my clothes, and now you've gone and stretched 'em out with your stupid fat!" He snapped at Zexion, standing up and stomping over to him. He grabbed the things in Zexion's hands and put them on the counter, before proceeding to just take the shirt right off of him.

He stood and glared at Zexion, who just looked at him, super confused. "Take them off," Riku said, super stern. Zexion's eye twitched, but he nonetheless slowly took the pants off and handed them to their owner. This left him in his boxers, which were conveniently black with flames on the bottom. They had been a present from Axel for their one month anniversary. Riku glared at him one last time before stalking off to toss the clothes in the washer.

Sora just stared on, just as confused as Zexion was, if not more. Well, no. Zexion was way more confused, surely. Wouldn't you be if some random teen asked you to strip while you were making a sandwich??

Leon chose this as the perfect time, it seems, to walk in and make himself some food. He paid no mind to Zexion as he scavenged through the fridge for something edible, but when he closed it and glanced at Zexion, he found himself staring. He cleared his throat and left the kitchen with a couple of brownies on a napkin.

"Oh my god guys!! Michael Jackson just died!!" Screamed Demyx as he ran in, bawling. He grabbed the closest thing, Zexion, and squeezed him and sobbed into his shoulder. Poor Zexion, today was just not his day. "Um, what?" He asked, making Demyx look up at him. His face was all red and puffy from the tears. "Michael Jackson is _dead!_" He squeaked, wiping his nose on his hand and absentmindedly wiping it on Zexion's arm. _How_ _pleasant_.

Zexion, not one for compassion, merely said sorry and grabbed the whole pan of brownies from the fridge. He sat down at the table across from Sora, and began eating them, one by one. Sora tried to cleverly snatch one, only to have his hand slapped away.

Demyx was all sniffles and snot now, and he had joined them at the table too, paying no heed to Zexion eating all of his brownies. "I am sorry about this morning," Zexion said to Sora, breaking the silence. "Huh? Oh, no, it's ok! I thought it was kind of funny, actually! The face you made just before you barfed was--"

"Hey what happened to your clothes?" Demyx interrupted, as he eyed Zexion's bare body. Zexion noticed that he had his eyes stuck on his chest, and he unconsciously put his arms up to cover himself again. "Um, Mr. Riku stole them back," He murmured.

Demyx gasped. "Well that's not nice! Here, I can give you some of mine. I'm sure that you will be able to cover up _completely_ this time with these," He giggled, making Zexion hide his face in his hands again.

Demyx and Sora laughed at this, but they apologized soon after. "You're so cute!" Both squealed in unison. Demyx got up and dragged Zexion along to his room. Zexion made sure to take the pan of brownies with him. Demyx gave him an old black shirt that had a fancy David Bowie design on it. The man himself was outlined in an Easter purple, posing a bit like Captain Morgan, an there were yellow stars all in the background with a pink lightning bolt. Under it all, it said 'David Bowie'. The pants were simple and a bit baggy, but Zexion liked them.

"So do you have any way of getting your old clothes up here?" Demyx asked, once Zexion had finished changing. He thought about it for a few moments. "Um, I'm sure I have a friend who can bring them; he works up here sometimes, so it wouldn't be a hassle for him," He told Demyx, who grinned and nodded.

They left the room and entered the living room once more. They cleaned up the bed and put it away, and soon, most everyone had flocked onto it to watch Captain Planet. He's a hero! 'Gonna take the crime down to zero! Something something la dee da, Earth, Fire, Wind, Water, Heart! Gooo Planet!!

---

REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW -flail-

a few friends and I were talking about what we would be in Captain Planet, right? Kathy would've been fire, me earth, and then Sonny was like, 'I'll be wind, so then we can be Earth, Wind and Fire' lololololz XD

HA I found this great icon: 'He's so far in the closet he's in **Narnia**' LOLZ

btw I'm not trying to make Riku a douche like Roxas, he's just... meh. Oh yea. There's going to be some Douche! Roxas throughout this.


	3. Ovens are the prey in the serengeti

So dudes I just watched Labyrinth for the first time last night. Anyone else notice the hard on Bowie had every time he was in a scene with _her_? Like, no one else, just Sarah XD But he looked as bangable as usual, so ftw for that. I hated Luto, for the record. And pretty much every other protagonist.

I. AM. TIRED. OF. HEARING. ABOUT. MICHAEL JACKSON. YES. OK, HE DIED! WE GET IT! SHUT THE HELL UP!!!

Oh my god! I'm multi-tasking by playing the Sims2 on the other computer, and dude! HA! Everything's so huge! Or so tiny!

…aww crap. I just spilled a whole bunch of sour powder into my crotch. And like, it went down my pant leg XD

SADSKFJHSDKJFHSDJKLF NO GOD DAMNIT. STUPID-- RAWRGGHhHADKJSFLJLSDFHLJK!!! Damnit! I was all ready to buy that f-ing awesome David Bowie shirt soon only to find that they went off sale YESTERDAY so now it's 32 dollars again! ADKFJHSDKLJFHDSKLJ -is thoroughly pissed-

--

The person Zexion opted to call in order to get his things up to wherever the hell he was (it's such a mysteriously place that not even I know. OoOoOooh) was none other than Mr. Reno Cunningham of the Turks. Although he was indeed related to Mr. Axel Cunningham of the Bastards, he wasn't that much of one himself. In fact, he and Zexion _were _rather close friend-wise.

Reno at first was very hesitant in wanting to come and bring Zexion his stuff, but then the boy reminded him that he did really need it, and that Reno did sometimes kind of frequently have to come out there to do odd jobs anyway.

It took most of the day, but finally the redhead arrived, Zexion happily greeting him.

"ARHARhurhurhurarharhrarr it's Reno!" He flailed, running out to the front of the house. "Hey kid, what's shakin'?" Reno asked, giving Zexion a noogie much to his dismay.

Once done, Reno quickly grabbed Zexion and started shoving his tongue down his throat. At everyone's weird and or disgusted looks, Reno looked up and smirked. "Hey, yo, I'm just ex-brother-in-law with benefits!" He explained. "I got every right to do this… Oh hey, speaking of," He turned to Zexion. "That was one hell of a show back there! I mean, I knew you were kind of unsure about it since you told me a day or two beforehand, but hell, I didn't expect _that, yo!_" He laughed, noogie-ing Zexion again.

"Yes, well, you know." Zexion merely said, crossing his arms and looking away. "Oh, yes. Everyone, this is Reno. He is Axel's brother. Reno, this is Demyx, Leon, Sora, Cloud and Riku," He introduced everyone, and they all said hi to each other.

"Oh, yea, and one more thing, Zex-o. Found this while sneaking around your guys' room," Reno pulled something out from his coat jacket and held it up. It was a VHS tape.

"What is it?" Zexion asked, confused. "Ha, glad you asked, kid. It's conception!" Reno said with glee. Zexion started practically choking on whatever was in his mouth; air, spit, just whatever. _Phlegm_. Eurgh. "It's _what?_" He asked, glancing at the others. They, he noticed, all looked curious and amused.

"You know, not that hard to figure out. Considering _this_," Reno bent down and put his head on Zexion's stomach. "and the date this was filmed. _Very hot_. Wish I was there too," He whined, standing up straight again. Zexion was horrified, and he glanced at everyone again. They were all smiling, save for Sora. "What?" He asked. "I don't get it! What's the VHS have on it?!" He panicked. Demyx laughed. "It's sex! Silly little _Sora_!" He told him, patting him on the head. Sora, Zexion and Riku blanched. "O-oh…" Sora squeaked, blushing.

"Oh shut up, don't act as if you haven't done it before. We all have ears, Sora, _Riku_." Leon suddenly said, smirking. Both Sora and Riku blushed, and no further words were said. "So, what do you mean by 'conception'?" Cloud asked Reno. The latter just grinned, poking Zexion's stomach. "He's pregnant, of course! What the hell did you think this stomach was? Fat? No way in hell! Zex is a fucking _twig _on normal occasions!" He said. Demyx and Sora squealed and ran over to Zexion, and hugged him tight. "You're gonna have a baby!!" They cooed loudly in unison, both unnecessarily stretching out the word 'baby'. This annoyed Zexion greatly, but he did nothing.

"So then, congratulations, Mr. Callahan. How far along?" He asked. Zexion looked confused for a moment. "Oh, um, yes. The beginning of the fifth month, if I recall." He answered after clearing his throat. Reno squealed and bounced in place on his feet. "What the hell, Reno?" Zexion asked, tilting his head in sheer confusion. "Is it a boy or a girl this time?" Reno asked, throwing his hands on Zexion's stomach once more and feeling it after he pushed Demyx and Sora away.

But everyone was shocked when suddenly Reno was backhanded by Zexion, who looked beyond furious with a touch of dismay. "Fuck is the direction in which I wish you would off!" He hissed in a very low voice, even saying 'direction' like 'die-rection'. He, Zexion, promptly spun around on his heel, and stomped into the cabin.

"What was _that_?" Riku asked after a moment, Reno nursing his face. Demyx had run in after Zexion to see what was wrong a few moments before. Reno smiled. "Ah, it was nothin'. I just touched a nerve is all, yo." He shrugged, turning back to his truck. "What, you're leaving because of that?" Leon asked, an eyebrow raised. Reno turned, doing the same with his beloved red eyebrow. "Uh, no. I'm getting his stuff, yo," he said, muttering something under his breath and climbing into the back of his truck.

Riku shrugged, and dragged Sora back into the house, while Cloud and Leon went to help Reno. Demyx came running out, a grin plastered on his face. "Zexy says that his name is going to be Zowie!" He announced. "Oh, and that he's sorry, he's still just a bit … sensitive. He says that you'd know what he meant," He told Reno, obviously trying to remember what all Zexion had told him. Reno smiled. "Yea, I know," He said, jumping out of the truck and running as fast as he could into the cabin with his arms full.

He totally failed and tripped and fell, landing on the sleeping bags he carried (he was planning on staying a couple nights; no way in he'll he'd just come and leave just like that!), making him bounce a little. Despite a few hitches, everything was put into the living room, Zexion's current domain. Yes, including the sex tape. No one knows where it was put though; they lost it. Oh dear.

**--warkwarkwarkwarkwarkwarkwarkwarkwarkwarkwark--**

So. Yup. A good two months later, Zexion was a permanent fixture in the Leonheart-Strife-Jones household. He had not seen nor heard hair nor hide of Axel, and that was a good thing. But the bad thing was that on one of Reno's visits, he informed Zexion that Axel was indeed still hunting him down.

One of the items Reno had eventually brought up was Zexion's and Axel's shared couch-- Zexion had always adored the thing and Reno knew it, so he snatched it for him. When Axel discovered this, he was not amused. They ended up replacing the living room couch with Zexion's, and sticking the old one in the kitchen.

You heard me-- in the kitchen. That way, Zexion could sit and prey on the oven. Or 'cleverly' hide and watch it as it was cooking brownies. Then he could hop (ok, not really. Thanks a lot, Zowie) over the back and snatch the tray when they've cooled off, someone looking or not!

He was now officially seven months pregnant, and was secretly scared shitless. But right now, he was enjoying himself. Right _now_ he was out with his new best friend Vincent Valentine (He was a friend of Cloud's, and was slightly confused when Zexion opened the door instead of one of the others) and his son Michael, and Demyx.(1) Vincent's wife Yuffie was out with her friends Tifa and Aerith, and Cloud and Leon went to pick up Roxas for the weekend.

Vincent had taken Zexion and the other two to a Dairy Queen, Zexion's request-- he just _had_ to try the new Brownie Batter Blast, or whatever that thing is called. Zexion was eating three at once, Demyx every now and then trying to steal a bite, even though he had his own. Vincent had nothing, and Michael, who was a spitting image of his father sort of kind of (he had his hair and eyes, and his mom's spunk), had some other Dairy Queen treat of a thing. I wouldn't know, I haven't eaten there in at least seven years.

"Mister Zexion sir, why are you so chubby?" Michael asked, causing all three other males sort of choke. Vincent shooshed him. "He's not 'chubby', Michael," He told him. Zexion had just snorted and continued eating merrily. "Well then why are ya' fat?" Michael then asked. Zexion was offended this time, and Vincent scolded him. "Tch! I am _not_ fat! Blame _Zowie_, the little douche monster…" He grumbled, putting his hands on his ridiculously huge stomach. Demyx did so as well, either unaware or ignoring Zexion's glare. "Who's Zoh-wee?" The small boy asked.

Zexion looked at him, his face blank. "You're just full of questions, aren't you kid," He said. Michael just smiled and nodded. Zexion's eyes narrowed for a couple of seconds. "He's my fat." Zexion told him, before waving at the waitress for another blizzard thing. "Can I get like, four more?" He asked her. She giggled after looking at his stomach and nodded, all but floating off.

After getting his blizzards to go, they walked back to the cabin-- it wasn't too far, and they had walked there in the first place anyway. Halfway there, Michael asked to get a piggy back ride from Zexion. "No," Vincent said. "Doing so won't help him any with all the weight he's already carrying,"

"Are you calling me and Zowie _fat?"_ Zexion asked, glaring at Vincent. Demyx laughed, and put his hand on Zexion's stomach again. "Eee!" He squealed. "He kicked me! He kicked me!" He giggled, putting both hands on the stomach this time. "Demyx," Zexion said.

"Yea?" Demyx asked. "You are fully aware that you are not the father of Zowie, are you not?"

"O-oh, uh, yea, of course!" Demyx said, removing his hands hesitantly. "Then why do you feel the need to pamper me as if you are?" Zexion was in one of his mood swings, that much was clear. Demyx shied away, making Vincent intervene. "Zexion, Demyx is only trying to help. I've known him for many a year, and I do know that he's never had this sort of experience. He is only enjoying himself while it lasts. Plus, if I were you, I'd be wanting this. This would mean that Demyx would _love_ to help change diapers when the child is born," He explained, the last sentence full of sarcasm.

Zexion sighed. "I know," He drawled. "But it's hard to concentrate when his hands are everywhere on my stomach and so close to my--" Zexion glanced down at Michael, who was listening to him intently. "… banana. My banana. Especially since he's so _hot_," He whined, leaning against Demyx, who was thoroughly confused and blushing.

"Eh? _Eh?!?_" He asked, eyes wide and his face the color of… Vincent's eyes. Yes. Before things could be explained further (does anything really need be explained? Zexion is turned on by Demyx! No explanations needed there), they reached the cabin, which was eerily silent.

They walked in, only to find everyone, Tifa, Yuffie, Aerith and Roxas included, crammed on the couch with their eyes glued to the television. Sora, Riku and Roxas looked absolutely _horrified_. Cloud and Leon did too in a much more subtle way, but interested all at the same time.

Vincent cleared his throat, and Riku, Roxas and Sora screamed, jumping at least a foot in the air and falling onto the floor. Super confused, the four-some walked over to examine stuff. Yuffie turned her head, and flipped when she saw her hubby bringing her little monkey over to see what they were watching. "Aah! No! Mikey outside! Play! Now!" She screamed. Confused as hell, Michael could only oblige. The remaining three sat down on the sides of the couch, Zexion taking up the whole of the middle now that the three teens were on the floor, and were now also horrified at what they were watching.

**-- earlier that day**--

"So, what do you want to do, Roxa-loxi?" Sora asked. "Sora, _don't ever call me that again_," Threatened. "And I don't know, let's just watch a movie or something.," he suggested a second later. Sora agreed and hopped over to the television and VCR, putting in a tape. "What movie?" Roxas asked. "I don't know! I just put in this tape that had nothing written on it!" Sora said gleefully.

Out of nowhere, it seems, Riku joined them, and soon Cloud and Leon. Everyone must have radars for movies or something. No seriously! Yuffie, Tifa and Aerith just walked in too, looking as if the only reason they were there was to watch the movie, whatever it was… In a few moments, it started… No one really knew what was happening at first, but then Roxas recognized something. "Aah!!" He screamed. What he recognized was his lover, Axel and his psycho scary bright red hair, moving like a smooth running machine on top of none other than Zexion.

The two were on the same couch that they were sitting on now.

Two seconds later, everyone else screamed in unison, but no one moved. They continued watching until Zexion himself walked in (wow, Axel had quite the libido), along with Vincent, Demyx and Michael. Yuffie flipped out and shooed Michael away, after Sora, Riku and Roxas' cerebellums imploded. Five seconds later, Zexion, Vincent and Demyx joined them, thoroughly interested. Zexion was probably the most horrified-- hell, they were watching his sex tape! _**Aaaah!!**_

When Axel _finally_ seemed done, he was seen getting up and turning off the camera. You know when you record something already recorded on the VHS tape, and it just switched back to the first recording when the second one ends? Well it did that. When it did, Zexion immediately shot up and ejected it. "Alright, that's enough for today," He said, his tone… I don't know. A mix between horrified and something else.

--

(1)HARHRHARHAHRHAR I did it again! Lolololol get it, get it? _Michael Valentine??_

Michael plays with stars (OOOOOooohh) So sister, won't you take a ride, in his car, late to call, when you wanted to be all! Baby baby don't be so shy! Something children hold your heads up high! In the night! While I try, and tell the ballad of Val-en-tine! (snazzy guitar)

Lololol it's by the Killers! The Ballad of Michael Valentine! Aren't I clever?-shot- Look the song up on youtube.

Sorry if the ending seems rushed, I'm just super tired.-yawwwwwwnuh-

reviewreviewreviewreview -flail-


	4. NO MORE PINK PLZ KTHX

_Snakes. And snails--_

_And _puppy. Dog. Tails. -hum hum-

**para una limpieza conifable**

Ten points to whoever can tell me what that says.

There's going to be FOUR music references in here. Try and spot them all! I'll give the answers at the end of the chappie.

Oh oh hey, there's a new poll on my profile. GO VOTE, MY LOVERS.

--

By Monday, Roxas had been returned to (Original setting). This was so he could go to school, and of course be with Axel. Currently, though, that was exactly where he was: lying on an Axel on an Axel's couch (he had to get a new one, of course). At the moment, they were watching MadTV on Comedy Central. Axel, it seemed, had completely gotten over Zexion. I mean, who needs him anyway? He was just a waste of breath around the apartment anyways.

As they laughed about whatever stupid stuff was happening, Roxas thought about Zexion, and if he should tell Axel that he knows where he is. "Hey… Axe?" He asked, looking up at him. "Hmm?"

"… I know where Zexion is," Roxas told him, looking away nervously. When he got no answer, he moved so he could look at Axel easier. "Didn't you hear me? I said--"

"I know, I heard," Axel said, sounding very vaguely mad. "Why didn't you tell me before?" He asked suddenly. "I-- I kept forgetting, is all!" Roxas told him. Axel grimaced. "How do you know where he is?" he then asked. Roxas thought for a moment. "Well, the day he ran off, I was in the car he jumped into. My friend, Demyx, drove us all up to his house, and that's where he's staying," Roxas explained.

Axel hmmed and looked as if he were cooking up a plan in his big boiling pot of awesome. "Think you can get us a ride there?" He questioned, carefully pushing Roxas off of him and standing up. Roxas stood as well. "Oh, sure, I think. I can just call whoever's in town and have them take us--"

"Good, because we're going," Axel demanded. Roxas looked worried. "You're not getting back together with him, are you?" He asked. Axel turned to look at him, giving him a look that said, 'are you fucking kidding me?'.

"No way in hell, pipsqueak. I'm just going to give that bastard a piece of my mind," He growled, cracking his knuckles. "and I want the couch back," he added as an afterthought.

**-kweekweekweekweekweekweekweekweekweekweekweekwee-**

Three towns over, Zexion was lightly snoozing away on Demyx's bed. That's right. Demyx, it seemed, has decided to become a detective. Those couple of days ago, after everybody accidentally watched Zowie's creation, Demyx wanted to know what was after it.

So, when everyone was out doing whatever, and he had offered to stay behind, he watched the rest of the sex tape (oh, ok, he watched all of it). After Axel had turned off the camera, it switched to something more pleasant and child-friendly. But of course, when it ended, Demyx was anything but happy. In fact, he was horrified! But he wanted to know more about what he had just seen… it wasn't very informing, really.

So Demyx cooked up a plan, and put it in motion! But it would take a while; he knew Zexion, even if it was just for two months. He would have to warm up to him slowly! So what he did first was let the boy sleep in his bed. It was obviously so much more comfortable, and Demyx knew that Zexion fancied him since he was so damn open about it.

… Speaking of cooking, where did those brownies-- over in present time, Demyx was sitting on the kitchen couch, reading Ron Weasley and the Bloody Brilliant Day when Zexion the little purple blimp came shuffling out of the hallway. His hair was askew in every direction possible and he looked as if he were staring straight into the sun.

"What the hell are you doing?" He grunted at Demyx, who looked just as confused as him. "What do you mean? I'm reading of course," Demyx told him. "Yes, I know, but Demyx never reads!" Zexion argued, looking at the title. "Ronald Weasley and the-- what the hell?" Demyx smiled. "I just felt like breaking the habit, is all!" He said, going back to reading.

Just then, someone knocked on the door. "I got it," Zexion mumbled, stalking over to the door. When he opened it, he was immediately taken back by the insane and intense smell of everything floral. Standing in the doorway was a tall man with-- what the fuck? Is his hair _pink?_ He had a pink and white riding hood on, the hood down, and he was wearing a green T-shirt and blue jeans. He was grinning too. It was… _too_ happy.

Zexion turned his head back to Demyx. "Demyx, oh my god, Red Riding Hood is on your doorstep! And she's more… well she's got an Adams apple and is a lot taller than I imagined her!" He said, turning back to the man. "What do you want, Pinky?" He asked. The man blinked and continued grinning at him.

"Why hello there! Would you like to buy some flowers?" He then asked in a sweet and horrifying tone. He tilted his head and continued grinning. Zexion's eye twitched. "Ah, _no_." He deadpanned. The man's grin faltered for a second, but stayed. Then, all of a sudden, Zexion's cheek stung. That crazy man just slapped him!! "I said, would like to buy some flowers?" He asked again. "No," Zexion said again. Now his other cheek stung too!

"You sure??" Pinky asked. Zexion nodded. "Pretty darn," He said. Pinky then slapped him again, this time harder. Zexion sighed, and glared at the man. "Demyx! Give me some _fucking money_." He yelled to Demyx, not once taking his eye off of Pinky. As they waited, the man started small talk. "My name's Marluxia! What's yours?" He asked. Zexion glared at him. "That's Major Tom to you, Pinky." Was all he said. Marluxia just smiled back at him, before fanning himself with his hand in a very, very gay fashion. "Oh my galoshes, it's so hot out! I wonder what temperature it is!" Marluxia said. Zexion didn't take his eyes off of him. "Let's go with two-hundred degrees," He suggested, monotone. "It's why people call me Mr. Fahrenheit," He added. Demyx finally came to the door, handing Zexion a ten dollar bill. He looked to Marluxia and grinned.

"Oh hello there! Would you like to buy some flowers?" Marluxia asked him, grinning that creepy grin again. "Don't answer him, just walk away!" Zexion hissed to Demyx under his breath. Demyx, confused and curious, stayed. "Here, take it all and give me a damn flower," Zexion snapped, stuffing the bill into the man's pants and grabbing a couple of flowers from his basket that was on his arm. "Thank you so much, Tom! Now, what about the baby?" He asked. Zexion stared at him.

"Excuse me?" He asked. Marluxia blinked. "I said, what about the baby? It needs some flowers too!"

"_He_, unlike you, is going to be a normal little boy. He doesn't like flowers," Zexion snapped. "What's his name?" Marluxia asked. Before Zexion could answer, Demyx did. "Zowie! That's Z-o-w-i-e!" Marluxia smiled. "He's going to be a gay baby, _he's going to want some flowers_," He demanded in a sweet tone. "No he's not!" Zexion demanded.

"Pssh, honey, with a name like that? You bet he is!" Marluxia laughed. "I said--"

Zexion was interrupted as he was slapped again.

"You know what? Fine. Fucking fine. Demyx give him the damn money!" Zexion growled, grabbing a couple of roses. Demyx nodded frantically and tossed a couple of dollars at the man. "Alrighty, bye-bye now!" Marluxia smiled at them, waved in a really gay fashion, then skipped off.

The two stared after him in disbelief, then walked back into the house. "What the hell just happened?" Zexion asked aloud.

-**wakawakawakawakawakawakawakawakawakawakawakawaka**-

It turns out, Reno was the only one who would give them a ride. But when he found out Axel was planning on going, he refused. "No way, yo," he crossed his arms and shook his head. "He left you for a reason; he doesn't want to see you again!"

Axel glared at him, before walking up to him, and pushing him out of the way, because Reno had been blocking the front door. "Come on Roxas, we're going," He growled. Roxas jumped up from the couch he had been sitting on, and scurried after Axel. "You know the way from at least the surroundings, don't you?" Axel asked him, walking to the navy pick-up truck that he owned. He got in, and quickly started the car as Roxas got in. "Um, yeah, I think so," Roxas told him, kind of nervous. Axel was acting really weird, and Roxas just had this hunch that if he made Axel mad, it wouldn't be pretty.

Roxas gave him a few instructions, and soon the two were on the way to (INSERT NAME HERE). They stopped at a red light, making an awkward silence. As Axel anxiously tapped his two pointer fingers in no certain beat on the steering wheel, Roxas stared out the car window. Even the quiet buzz of the radio wasn't helping.

"So…" Roxas started, looking at Axel. "What?" Axel asked, sounding a bit harsh. "Nothing-- no, not nothing. Axel, what are you going to do about… _Zowie_?" Roxas said his name with great distaste as they started driving again. "Who's Zowie? That some weird nickname for Zex?" Axel asked. Roxas didn't like how Axel was still using pet names for his ex.

"…Um, no. It's the baby. What are you going to do about your baby?" Roxas became confused when Axel looked curiously at him. "I don't have a kid! What the hell, Rox, that was super random. The last time I _almost_ had a kid, it had cold feet when it was born, so don't give me this crap about me having one, got it memorized?" Axel lectured, looking sort of annoyed.

Roxas frowned. "Cold feet… you mean, it was stillborn?" He asked. Axel sighed deeply and loudly. "_Yes_, Roxas, it was dead. Thanks for bringing up such a painful subject. Now, where to next?" He asked, looking totally unfazed. "I'm sorry…" Roxas said, now feeling for Axel. "And, uh, just turn left twice then right then keep going straight for a while…"

After that it was mostly silent save for the radio. "You don't have to say sorry, kid. It's not like _you_ killed her. She just was… already dead," Axel suddenly said about ten minutes later, with a shrug. Roxas was glad, because it broke the tension a bit. "I know… it's just that…" Roxas didn't know how to explain this. "Axel, Zexion's pregnant,"

Thank Flying Spaghetti Monster that the road was empty except for them, or surely, someone would have crashed into them as Axel abruptly put on the brakes. "What?" He asked Roxas, not looking at him. "_What??_" He asked again. "Z-Zexion is--"

"I heard you!" Axel snapped. Roxas mumbled another apology, and this time Axel didn't answer.

Another good ten minutes later, and he did. "Just-- I'm sorry for yelling at you," He said, pinching the bridge of his nose. "How far along is he?" He then asked. "Huh?" Roxas said, confused. "How far along is Zexion?" Axel asked again, sounding annoyed. "Oh… like… seven and a half months?"

"Damn," Axel muttered under his breath. "God, that's right. On his birthday we had mind-blowing sex like, all day," He groaned. Roxas didn't say anything. 'Yea, that's nice to know, thanks,' he thought.

--**tralalaaatralalaaatralalaaatralalaaatralalaaatralalaaa!**—

Zexion and Demyx sat on the sex couch, watching Punk'd. This time the target was Chris Brown. Lying in between Demyx, Zexion and Zowie was a tray of brownies, already three-fourths of the way gone. As Zexion grabbed another one, a commercial came on. "You know what Demyx?" Zexion asked.

"Huh?"

"I think I'd look sexy with a mustache. I think I'll start growing one,"

"Is that so?"

"Yup,"

"Can you even _grow_ facial hair?"

…

"Alright, Zex, I'll humor you. What kind of 'stache?"

"Hmm… I think a handlebar mustache would do nicely," At this, Demyx put on a face to show he was imagining this. He snorted, then continued to giggle so much he started tearing up. "I'll go parade around the beach with my delicious red thong, and my manly chest hair that will be like Austin Powers'," Zexion proceeded, looking thrilled at the idea. He started to go on, but suddenly the door opened, and Leon and Cloud walked in, a stranger joining them.

"Hey guys," Leon said. "We're back, and I brought a friend," Zexion and Demyx blanched. "It doesn't scream _pink_, does it?" Zexion hissed. Cloud and Leon looked confused. "No…no, he doesn't."

He turned to the stranger, who was rather handsome. "This is Ffamran Bunansa," He introduced. Ffamran waved and grinned. "Call me Balthier, please," He told everyone. Zexion nearly squealed like a silly little fan-girl. "Oh my god, marry me?" He asked. Balthier just smirked and said, "No, sorry, I can't. 've got to be faithful with my girl back home, you see. Plus, she's with child as well; I really don't think she'd be too happy if I just left her to hook up with you,"

Zexion whined, but grabbed Demyx. "Well I've got my girl too!" Demyx looked at him incredulously.

"What??" He asked, but Zexion ignored him. Then all of a sudden, Zexion's pants started to vibrate. "Whoa, what the hell?!" Demyx yelled, jumping away. "It's just my phone," Zexion told him. He looked to see who it was. 'Reno… why would he be calling? He never calls unless it's an emergency,' Zexion thought. He answered it. "Reno? What do you need?"

"_Zex, listen--_" Reno was cut off by static; the service was terrible up there! _"Axel is--"_ more static. "Axel is what? Reno, Axel is _what_??" Zexion yelled into the phone, but he had to hang up. There was just no way in hearing what Reno had to say.

Everyone sat in uncomfortable silence. "It's getting late. Demyx, let's go make dinner while Leon and Zexion entertain our guest," Cloud suggested. "What about Riku and Sora?" Demyx asked. "They're staying at a friend's house tonight," Leon said. Demyx nodded then followed Cloud into the kitchen.

--**yipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyip**--

The five at the house were now just finishing up their meals of mashed potatoes, green beans and steak. While Leon and Cloud cleaned up, Demyx, Zexion and Balthier sat at the table playing cards.

"Well, gentlemen, it seems that I have won yet again," Balthier said, smirking as he showed them his hand. Both Demyx and Zexion groaned. "You suck, I don't want to marry you anymore!" Snapped Zexion, causing Demyx to roll his eyes and Balthier to chuckle. Demyx dealt a new hand, and they all looked at there cards. But before Zexion got to get a good look at them, something distracted all five men.

They could all clearly hear the sound of a car door closing, and someone complaining about something. "Damnit, Roxas, why didn't you tell me this place was so far away?" the voice said. Balthier was just confused, and took the time to look at everyone's cards. Leon, Cloud and Demyx all assumed that it was Reno who just got here with Roxas. But of course Zexion knew better. He _knew_ the small, distinct difference between Axel and Reno's voices.

"Oh my god…" Zexion mumbled, looking incredibly pale. "fuck, fuck, fuck! God, now would be a good time to bring the apocalypse, please!" He said, quickly standing up, and running out the back door as fast as Zowie would allow him. Everyone was thoroughly confused at Zexion's behavior, and they jumped when 'Reno' began banging on the door.

"Open this fucking door, Zexion or I'll blast it down myself!!"

--

I'm sorry, but that little part where Balthier comes in… hur hur hur hurrrrr I'd be acting the same exact way as Zex-o-rooni.

Aaannd what else. Oh, the mustache thing XD yea, please don't ask. Same with the Marly thing.

WHO GOT THE MUSIC REFERENCES? There were only supposed to be two, but eh-heh. I'll give you a hint: one Bowie, one Queen and one Muse, and one Linkin Park.


	5. That doctor has a thick black mustachio!

I'm so jealous of those damn AkuRoku writers. Almost every single AkuRoku fic gets about five-hundred reviews _because it's an AkuRoku_. It's like, a law to get about twenty every chapter at least. Like even if they really suck ass, the minimum amount of reviews is about 293. And then there is of course the very few select Zemyx's that have about five-thousand reviews because they're just those speshul gewd authors who come up with good ideas. I'm grumpy now xD (but again, this could just be the red-gushing coochy talking)

-five hundred months later- x'D alright I'm better. I'm just glad that the one's who do review still love me enough to do so. I love you all!

Sorry for long wait guys, I've just been really… out of it, is all. Plus high school is raping me for the most part so I'm usually too tired to work on anything computer wise (Yes, Poptard my love, that is the reason why I am not as active on MTT any more, unfortunately D:)

---

Too confused to answer the door, Cloud, Leon, Demyx and Balthier just stood where they were, staring at it. "Answer this fucking door! I know you're in--"

"Axel, I practically live here, you know. We can just go in," Roxas' muffled voice said. A few moments later, the door opened, and Roxas could be seen putting a set of keys back into his back pants pocket. Axel, though, immediately stormed in, looking like a raging fire ready to burn down anything in its path.

He stormed up to Cloud and instantly got all up in his face. "Where the fuck are you hiding him, huh?" He hissed, pushing Cloud a bit. To say that Leon was mad was a bit of an understatement. He was just… extremely pissed off. He glared at Axel, and shoved him away from Cloud, causing Axel to fall to the ground.

"Erm… I do believe that it'd be time that I take my leave," Balthier said in an uncertain voice. He glanced at Leon, who caught his gaze and slowly nodded. As Leon and Balthier walked out the front door, Axel stood back up and dusted off his pants. Cloud just stood there, staring at Axel, expressionless while Demyx stood next to him glaring. "So where the hell are you hiding him?" Axel snapped.

Demyx just continued to glare. "That's none of your business, you slutty skank," He growled. Axel looked taken aback in only the slightest of ways. Cloud said something this time, "You have no right to be here. Mr. Callahan wants nothing to do with you so I suggest you _leave_," He gestured to the front door.

"No way in hell, Blondie. Not until I get what I want!" Axel snarled. He glanced at the nearby hall, before sprinting down it. "No!" Demyx yelled, leaping after him. He managed to knock Axel to the ground, but said red head put up a good fight and get free from Demyx's clutches. He scrambled up and ran into the nearest room, Demyx running after him. Axel could be heard cursing before being spotted charging out of that room and into another, Demyx close behind.

---

Cloud looked over at Roxas. "So, how about some tea?" He asked. Roxas shrugged and the two walked off into the kitchen area.

---

About a good fifteen minutes of rampaging around the house and fighting later, Axel was leaning against his arm on one of the edges of one of the walls. Demyx had his hands on his knees in the middle of the room.. The two glared at each other for a second, while catching their breath.

Then, before Axel knew what was happening, Demyx charged at him and the next thing he knew, he heard a sickening _crack_ and his arm hurt _so_ much. "Aaaaaahhhh!!!" He screamed, and slid to the ground holding his now broken arm. "Holy _fuck!_" He continued, nursing his limb. Who knew Demyx was so violent?? He was about to ask Demyx why the flying fuck he had to go and do that, but figured that that would just waste his time.

"If you think a broken arm is going to keep me away, then you must be _really_ retarded!" Axel yelled behind him after he had gotten up and began to search again, finally realizing that no, Zexion wasn't in the cabin, and was more than most likely somewhere behind the house. He could be anywhere-- under an overhang, in the thick forest, anywhere!

After a few silent moments of Axel flying around the back area in ridiculous speeds, he had found him. He, Zexion, was hiding behind a bush, squatting it seemed, and was glaring straight at Axel. When Axel's gaze caught Zexion's, the latter's look became shocked, and he quickly stood up and turned to start running again.

"No! Get back here! Zex--!" Axel shouted, running after him. Axel was _really_ tired of chasing Zexion around like this. I mean, all he really wanted to do was talk to the kid, sort of. And now-- and now that stupid Demyx kid was following him now too! RAWWRG!

Axel looked over his shoulder at Demyx while still running, and stuck his tongue out at him. Demyx glared at him and followed suit. Both then looked to see what Zexion was doing in his spare time of running. Nothing, really, just… running. How boring.

But then of course poor Zexion didn't notice the slightly huge 'I'M-GONNA-TRIP-YOU!' rock in his path. Axel and Demyx did, though.

"Aaah! Zexion, watch out for that--" they both yelled in unison, but alas, Zexion of course looked over his shoulder just in time to trip, and totally fall down the very small cliff. Both of the other men blanched as the younger male tumbled down it, yelling in fright.

"Shit, Zexion!" Demyx yelled, as Axel stood in his spot, too shocked to move. Demyx ran over to the edge of said _small_ cliff to see if Zexion was all right, but as soon as he got there, the bit he stepped on gave out and he fell down with an 'Ack!', a _thud_ and another _crack_. And then another scream of pain, from Demyx of course.

Axel was shocked back to his senses, and he carefully and quickly made his way down to the bottom. He stared at what was in front of him, too horrified to really do anything. Demyx's leg was pretty much backwards, and Zexion was unconscious-- he had landed on his head, it seems.

"Well don't just stand there, you ass! Take us to the fucking hospital!" Demyx screamed. Axel shook his head and glared. "I can't you ass, you broke my fucking ar--

"Then get Cloud to do it! He's the other blonde one!" Demyx interrupted him, pointing back to the cabin. Axel growled, but complied and hurried himself back up to the building.

---

After another small fight and a few 'What happened?!'s, Cloud drove Axel, Zexion, Demyx and Roxas to the hospital. While Axel and Demyx got their arm and leg patched up and put into casts, Zexion was taken into the ER. They had to make sure that Zowie was going to live, and Zexion himself.

The other four, Axel, Demyx, Cloud and Roxas waited in the lobby nervously. Every now and then, Axel and Demyx would shoot each other glares, but Roxas and Cloud made sure to not let them start any more fights. Cloud and Demyx sat in chairs side by side, while Roxas sat on Axel's lap facing Axel in a chair next to Cloud.

Roxas' face was in the nook of Axel's neck, and they whispered sweet nothings to each other. Demyx was of course infuriated by this. He just wanted to jump up and scream, "Make up your mind you stupid whore! It's either Roxas or Zexion, neither of which I approve of you to be with!!" but he knew Cloud would be angry with him. Nobody liked to upset Cloud!

"You are going back to that little pig, aren't you?" Roxas mumbled to Axel. Axel frowned. "I never said that," He replied. "But you are so desperate to get him back-- if not, then explain to me the frantic search back home!" Roxas whined, lying his head on Axel's shoulder now. Before Axel could answer though, the doctor that was taking care of Zexion walked out with a clipboard, looking very uncertain about something.

Both Axel and Demyx stood almost immediately, Roxas nearly falling. "What's up, doc?" Axel asked frantically. "I have good news," He said, causing everyone to sigh with relief. "but I also have bad news," the man continued, causing everyone to tense up again.

"Give us the good news first, man! To soften the blow," Axel said, making Demyx tell him to just shut up. They glared daggers at one another once more. "Yes, alright," the doctor said, clearing his throat.

"The good news is that Mr. Callahan and the child will live--"

"So they're perfectly fine??" Demyx asked anxiously.

"Well, that's where the bad news comes in," The doctor frowned, looking at his clipboard and flipping through a few pages.

"Mr. Callahan, you see, has a mild concussion. We do believe that he's lost a bit of his memory, but to what extent we don't know…" He trailed off.

Axel looked devastated, and for some reason, Roxas and Demyx did too. "B-but at least that's it…" Axel mumbled, putting a hand on his forehead.

"I'm afraid not, sir," the doctor cleared his throat again. "The other bad news is that we had to perform a Cesarean Section on Mr. Callahan, because apparently something large landed on the stomach after the fall," Axel managed to give Demyx a weak glared. "The child had to be taken out or he wouldn't have survived. Though he is premature we are sure he shall be fine, but just in case we are keeping a close eye on him," he explained.

Demyx gasped, Cloud looked slightly shocked, Roxas looked about to cry and Axel looked ready to faint. Pale and sweating, he took a couple of steps back before collapsing back into his chair.

"S-so… so I'm a dad now?" He asked faintly, his voice cracking. His gaze was staring at nothing in particular, not focusing in on anything. The doctor cleared his throat yet again. "If the child is yours, then yes, sir, you are. Would you like to see him?"

Not a split second after the doctor asked Axel the question had the red-haired male stood up and said, more like demanded really, that yes he would. Too shocked, amazed and nervous to tease Demyx any further, Axel followed the doctor without saying anything.

---

Small, wrinkly, squishy, and pink. That's what Axel would have said if someone were to ask him to describe Zowie. He had a small blue bauble cap on his head-- striped with different shades of sky blue horizontally and a big, baby blue puff on the top. He was also wrapped in a baby blue blankie, all curled up as he slept. Axel was just about to go in and pick the sleeping child up, when he realized that he had been staring at the wrong kid the whole time.

How he didn't notice the real infant's family standing beside him will forever baffle him. He dazedly walked over to the next window, which this time did contain his own son. 'Looks 'xactly the same… all babies do.' He thought. A nurse then walked up to him, asking if he wanted to hold the infant. Damn straight, he had told her before following her into the room.

When he first held Zowie, it was like-- wow. It was mind-blowing. And very hard to do. Have you ever tried to hold a child with a broken arm?? This little creature was _his_ creation. He came from Axel's genitals, he was Axel's flesh and bone. Upon further examination, a slight tilting of the head and some eye-squinting, Axel decided that though it was true that it was hard to tell who the child looked like, Zowie did indeed look like Zexion. Axel knew that Zexion would probably be saying the exact opposite right now; that Zowie looked like Axel.

Curious, Axel carefully removed Zowie's bauble cap. Ah-hah, there it was. Barely visible though it was indeed, there was a very, _very_ think layer of red hair on the child's scalp. It wasn't vibrant red though, like Axel's. It was more… mahogany.

Axel couldn't help but let out a bark of laughter; he couldn't believe he was in this position right now! Zowie slightly shifted from the noise, and took a real deep breath through his nose. Axel turned towards the nurse, who was still in the room.

"When can I take him home?" He asked, surprising himself by being gentle in tone. The nurse smiled. "As soon as we're sure that he will be alright. It shouldn't be very long, and few days at the latest," She told him. Axel nodded, then slowly put Zowie back in the incubator, not-so-secretly pocketing the bauble hat into his back pocket. You know, for safe keeping and such. He was about to kiss the small child on the forehead, but decided to just rub his head instead-- Axel is too _man_ to do something as low as that!

--

Aww mans wow. I got this random burst to go, 'DAMN I want to write up the chapter!' so I did. Um, you probably want to give me a swift kick to the face, so go ahead lol.

This chapter was a bit more depressing than the others. I only managed to put a little dry humor in there, and no, that 'what's up doc?' wasn't actually intentional xD it was only after the next couple of paragraphs that I realized what I had written LOL.

Much love, Snookems.


	6. Fillllllerrr Bunny

This is for my Aaron D: because he's been having a terrible day(s).

--

Instead of actually taking Zowie all the way back home with him, when he was allowed to of course, Axel just took Zowie and Roxas with him to the nearest hotel. They planned on staying there until Zexion woke up, which took a week and three days.

The only person who got notified was Axel, though, because he was the only one who put his number down. When the hospital called, it was three in the morning, Axel had finally gotten Zowie to go to sleep and was super exhausted from a good round of sex with Roxas and had finally been able to pass out himself. That was at 2:45 AM.

He had conveniently forgotten to turn his phone off or on vibrate, and it happened to have this very uncreative and very loud ring tone on at the time. And though Zowie was in Axel's arms with Axel's back to the phone, it was still retardedly loud enough to wake Zowie. Zowie was not happy, to say the least. YOU NO LIKE ZOWIE WHEN ZOWIE ANGRY!!!

He started screaming, waking both Axel and Roxas, naturally. Axel groaned at first, but did nothing. When the child proceeded, Axel screamed into his pillow. Roxas finally made a noise, and actually got up. He picked up Zowie and tried to quiet him down, while Axel's arm searched for the still ringing phone, proceeding to knock several things off the night stand, including his glasses, the lamp, and the phone itself.

Axel was ready to just throw the nearest object out the window. He managed not to do so, though, and reached down to find the cell phone. Finally, _finally_, he found the bastard.

"What the fuck do you want?" He moaned into it once answered. It turned out to be a crappy automotive voice just telling him Zexion was awake.

Axel sighed a deep sigh and sat up. As he started putting on a pair of jeans and Roxas' stray shirt (because he's that skinny and Roxas' shirt was long), he asked the boy to stay and watch Zowie. "Please… Roxas, just… just please. I won't be long. I just got to go and see Zex is all." He said. Roxas didn't look too happy about the situation, but nodded. He had amazingly gotten Zowie quiet not long ago, and now the tiny infant was just staring off into space, his head and practically whole body resting on Roxas' shoulder.

Axel couldn't help but smile at the sight. "Thanks, Roxie-loxxie," He said, walking over to Roxas after grabbing his car keys and proceeding to pretty much make out with the teen.

He finally left, still very tired, and made it to the hospital in about fifteen minutes. Axel's hair was in his face; he never bothered to gel it back up, too tired. He kept having to brush it out of the way. He sounded drunk when he asked for Zexion's room number, and he walked to an elevator, nearly passing out in it. He stumbled out of it and into Zexion's room where the male was sat up reading a book, but looking confused.

He looked up when Axel stumbled in, and smiled slightly. But it turned to a look of surprise when Axel just collapsed onto the bed and fell asleep on him, snuggled into Zexion. Zexion let him lay there though, because the poor boy had forgotten that he no longer loved Axel. He had no clue as to why he was even in the hospital, and he most certainly did _not_ remember that he was pregnant, nonetheless actually having the child.

So he let his confusion go for the time being, and let his Axel snuggle into him. He continued to read his book, until he, too, fell asleep.

--

When he woke up, it was nine AM, and Axel was still wrapped around him. One change of scenery though, was that another male sat in the room. Zexion had never seen him before, and frankly was rather baffled by his presence. Also, he looked a bit disgruntled, Zexion took note. Both his legs and arms were crossed, and he seemed to not want to look at his Axel for some reason.

Zexion cleared his throat. "Er, excuse me, sir… may I help--"

"Zexy, you're awake!" The man shouted, jumping up gleefully. "Excuse me?" Zexion asked, super confused. "I'm afraid I don't even know you, why are you in here?" Demyx's cheerful disposition immediately slumped into a depressed one.

"You really don't remember… do you?" He sadly asked. Zexion slowly shook his head. "I'm sorry, but I don't…" He said, just as the man, Demyx obviously, started to sulk off.

And that was pretty much it. That was the last Demyx-- or anybody from around there had seen Zexion for two whole years.

--

Axel had taken Zexion and Zowie home with him, Axel only explaining certain things to him, of course. Reno had been given the job to of course come and retrieve his stuff. He really didn't look too happy about doing it, and he ended up staying for the day just hanging out with everyone. But that didn't stop him from coming to visit every time he had a job up there, of course.

One of those times, he told them that what Axel had done was just tell Zexion some story about being in a car crash and then having Zowie, etc, etc. And that Axel was still going behind Zexion's back for Roxas. _And_ that Roxas was currently nine weeks pregnant with Axel's child.

That last one was told to them not long before Demyx saw Zexion again-- only about a week or so. That news was also very shocking, obviously. In fact, Demyx, Sora, Leon and Cloud were so shocked they were absolutely livid. They all silently agreed that the next time they saw that bastard of a man they would _murder_ him.

They would… They would bludgeon his head with a wall, then drown him in a bathtub of bleach (an: My personal favorite!), set fire to the corpse, then let the vultures have the rest. In the middle of the highway. During rush hour. In _China_.

Luckily for them, they did not have to wait long for that moment to come. It was already the end of September, and everyone knew that in mid-October was the spectacular awesome Pumpkin Fest, which was just a small carnival-- and Reno had informed everyone that Axel planned on taking Zexion and Zowie to it… and also Roxas, as a 'friend'.

So… Time skip to mid-Octobre!

Ah, yes, October, my favorite month. Yay Halloween! That sure as hell is my favorite holiday, how about you guys?? All the leaves committing suicide, the sun preparing the world for its death when it actually does go out-- ah, what a month! Also a great month to drown an Axel in bleach, too!

"Come on, Leon, Cloud, let's go, we're going to be late and then we won't be able to find them!" Demyx whined as he swung on the front door by hanging on the door knob. "Alright, Demyx, calm down. It takes forty-five minutes to get there and it opens in two hours-- I think we'll be ok," Leon said, smirking.

He grabbed the keys to the pick up truck and started out the door with Cloud, Demyx following not long after. Poor Sora wanted to kick some ass too… but he was just too much of a pussy. So they sent him to stay at Riku's.

They drove there in anticipation, only to find that their five-year old flier had _lied_ to them. It was supposed to start at _four_, not_ two_ PM! So now the area was absolutely packed, and there seemed to be absolutely no way to find anyone.

Demyx moaned in anguish. "Why?" He stretched the word out. They got out of the car, Demyx so much more visibly depressed. While Cloud and Leon went to pay admission, Demyx went and sulked on a bench, thinking very negative thoughts about Axel.

He was just envisioning strangling Axel when a little boy toddled up to him and giggled. Demyx looked at him, and grinned in return. "Why hello there!" He said cheerfully, ruffling the little boy's hair. The toddler howled with laughter then ran off. After this happened to Demyx another three times (What the hell is with the children today? Is his body spray that delicious??), one last toddler ran up to him.

He was in a full Batman costume, hood up and mask on and everything. This only allowed Demyx to see his eyes, which he noted her like, radioactive green. He stood there, staring at Demyx as Demyx stared at him. They did nothing but that for at least five minutes.

"So, I see you like Batman," Demyx said in a serious tone. The boy nodded.

"Si," He said quickly.

They stared at each other for another few minutes.

"Hey, where are your parents?" Demyx asked him. The boy blinked and looked around.

"Uh… m' daddy get teeket!" He struggled to say, pointing to the long line at the kiosk. "He right… oh…" The boy's arm slowly fell to his side as he looked for his parents. He had obviously lost them.

Demyx scanned the line, seeing if he could find someone with the same eyes or something. Oh, and how he _did_. Right there, twenty-third person from the front, was _Axel._ He had the same exact radioactive green eyes as the little boy, making Demyx realize that this little on was _Zowie_. Oh, he was so grown up! And so adorable! Demyx just wanted to pinch those little cheeksies! But instead he nearly just ran over there and beat the living shit out of Axel, but he hesitated when he remembered his little companion. He couldn't just leave him there…

Biting his lip and glancing back and forth between the boy and Axel, who was now sucking on someone's face, if it were Zexion or Roxas Demyx couldn't tell. Finally, he had it figured out-- he picked the little one and put him on his shoulders, then ran as fast as he could over to the red-headed asshole (With the boy squealing with delight the whole way!).

"Hey! Bastard!" He yelled, grabbing Axel's trench coat collar and tugging him away from Roxas. His lips swollen and some drool (presumably Roxas') on his mouth, he glared. "What the hell man?" He hissed wiping his mouth. He was about to turn back to Roxas, when he noticed the boy on Demyx's shoulders.

"Hey, what the _hell_ are you doing with my son?" He snarled, promptly grabbing the toddler and hugging him to his chest. "You fucking child rapist, stay the fuck away from my son!" He growled, pulling his arm back and punching Demyx straight in the face.

As Demyx doubled over holding his face, Axel merely readjusted his glasses and put Zowie on the ground to hold his hand while he ate Roxas' face.(1) Zowie seemed to not mind that his father was sucking the face of another man. Demyx wouldn't have been surprised if Axel had told him that it was perfectly natural. That man absolutely disgusted Demyx. Speaking of Zexion, Demyx wondered where he was.

"Axel, I got us the drinks…" Ah, there he was. Demyx looked up just in time to see Axel wiping his mouth from any left over Roxas saliva. "Hey, thanks kid," He smirked, stealing Zexion's mouth this time. Both Roxas and Zowie seemed unfazed by this, but Demyx noticed that Roxas was trying to avoid him. Demyx frowned.

"Roxas, can I talk to you for a second?" He asked. Roxas jumped when his name was called. Axel glared at Demyx, looking livid. "No you may not--"

"Axe, it's ok. He's my cousin…" Roxas mumbled, walking off with Demyx.

"Roxas, how could you?" Demyx asked once out of earshot of Axel. "How could I what?" Roxas asked, sighing. Demyx roared. "How could you… how could you _not_ tell me that you see Zowie and Zexion and _Axel_ almost every day? How could you let Axel cheat on Zexion knowing that it will break Zexion's fragile, little heart?? How the hell could you let that _whore_ get you pregnant?!" Demyx yelled, shaking Roxas by the shoulders.

"At least I didn't go back to the same man over _'seven'_ times after he cheated on me! He's such a stupid asshole! He should have just killed the stupid kid with an abortion and left Axel in the first place! He deserved to lose the first baby, he's such a moron," Roxas argued. "I don't even see what Axel sees in him. He's too quiet, he reads too much and he's too ugly! I mean, look at him! He's short--"

"Roxas, shut the hell up you little whore! He's more beautiful than you'll ever be! And he's had it a lot harder than you have! He had his life ruined when he was sixteen because he was kidnapped and raped after his whole family had been murdered. That's when he met Axel, who took him after meeting him at the store. They started going out, and Axel got him pregnant. Unfortunately, as you know, the baby was already dead!" Demyx snapped, shaking Roxas again.

"How would you feel if the thing that you had created out of, at the time, love and you waited patiently for finally was about to arrive and then it was just snatched away from you just like that? What if your little kid was just _taken_ away from you? Huh? Or what if Axel grew tired of _you?_ You know that he'd just move along without telling you… _just like Zexion…_ he'll go behind your back, and _he won't care!_" Demyx was at this point cackling. "And then, and then he had to run away, all because of _you_! If you hadn't have gotten together with Axel, the wedding would have gone smoothly. You wouldn't be pregnant and this whole situation wouldn't have happened!!!"(2)

He looked at Roxas, only to find him crying. Demyx's insane mood quickly plummeted to guilt, and was about to comfort him, but before he could Zowie came running clumsily towards them.

"Meesa, meesa! Papa wan' Reeka ba'!" He shouted, tugging on Roxas' pant leg. 'God he's so cute!' Demyx thought, grinning down at the two-year old. "Alright, you can take him back now. Just bring me your other Papa, ok?" He said, squatting down and playing with the little bat ears. Zowie nodded. "'Kay," He said, running off.

Roxas left after him without a word. A few seconds later though, Zowie came running back up holding Zexion's hand. Zexion, also donning a trench coat like Axel, looked confused. "Hello, Zexion. It's been so long!" Demyx squealed, hugging Zexion tight. "I know you have no clue who the fuck I am, but I'm kidnapping you! Let's go!" He grabbed Zexion's hand and bid Zowie adieu as they ran off.

"I'm going to _make_ you remember me!" Demyx demanded. "And then you'll see that Axel is a royal asshole who doesn't deserve your pretty face!"

Tsk tsk, Demyx, I thought you didn't like Zexion that way…?

--

Before I forget!

(1) http://seisei. deviantart. com/art/Autumn-Akuroku-39380318 Yea, you want to fuck Axel now too, just because of the glasses? Hell yes he's fifty times sexier with them!

(2) Zexion, at one point, had pretty much told Demyx his life story while he was staying with them. That is how he knows.

ALSO, here is Zowie: http://sparrowandlegolas. deviantart. com/art/Mmm-Zowie-136281473 He kind of looks like how I imagined him, buuuuttt… _

Fast update is for my Aaron but sorry for gay-ass pointless chapter D; could have been better, I knows.


	7. Author's Note, betches

Heyyyyy guyzzzzz what's up? I need some help. Who here speaks Spanish?? PM if any of you do, I need to translate some stuff xD THANKS KAY BYE (the sooner I get those translations the sooner the next chapter comes up, homies)


	8. nananananananana BA'MAN, BA'MAN

Damnit! Now I have to go start an AkuZeku because I keep looking at this picture: . com/fs16/f/2007/183/6/e/_insert_lame_bishouneny_title__by_

Lol there's a space between the dA and the COM.

And because AkuZeku is my secret OTP. Ye gods I just dropped a shat load of my stories on here. All the ones that I just haven't worked on in FOR-EV-ER. So sorry for those who were waiting for those to be finished D: I just can't do it, you know?

--

Demyx grabbed Zexion's hand and began to run away with him. Zexion complied, but after only a few moments of running, he stopped. "Sir, sir please… if you are going to steal me, at least… at least take my son as well," Zexion pleaded, hesitatingly looking back to where Axel was crouched down in front of his little Batman, prodding him playfully in the stomach. Roxas stood nearby, rubbing his eyes from when he was crying and hugging himself.

Demyx looked over as well, and smiled as Zowie fell onto his butt, laughing. Axel laughed as well, picking the boy up with his own 'WHOOSH' sounds as he flew Zowie through the air like a plane. If Demyx didn't know how Axel really was, he'd have thought that the man was a loving and doting father who cared very much for the one person who helped create their child.

Demyx snorted at the thought. The day he sees Axel _truly_ like that, pigs will-- oh crap, swine flu. No, no, the day he _truly_ see Axel like that will be the day that he gets to meet Freddie Mercury; it's impossible. Demyx looked at Zexion and smiled. "Yes, you can bring him with," He told him, grinning.

Zexion thanked him. "I'm sorry it's just--"

"Oh no it's ok!" Zexion was most annoyed at how he was interrupted.

"As I was saying. I just don't trust Zowie's father, in all honesty. I… I know I should but…"

'you have a feeling he's cheating on you or teaching him bad habits. Damn straight you'd better not trust him!' Demyx thought, before interrupting Zexion once more.

"Well go get him then, we've not all day!" He snapped, trying to look manly and frightening by putting his hands on his hips.

Zexion smiled weakly and turned his back to Demyx. "Zowie! Little one, come over here!" He yelled. It felt weird to him, though. Zexion really wasn't one to yell on a daily basis. Both Axel and Zowie looked over, Zowie grinning like a maniac and starting to run over. Zexion met him halfway by walking over, picking him up and walking over to the suspicious Axel.

"That kind sir found something that Zowie would love… I am merely going to let him show it to me is all." Axel stared at him for a second, but nodded. He then lowered himself enough to where his forehead touched Zexion's, grabbed his hands and they looked at each other for a moment, seemingly talking to each other with their minds. 'Just don't get hurt… I already almost lost you once. I love you,' Axel seemed to think as he kissed Zexion gently. Zexion closed his eyes, and right after so did Axel. Still smiling, Axel kissed Zexion once more before letting him go.

Zexion, having totally fell for the ruse, smiled a little and picked Zowie up again, having set him down a few moments before. He walked back over to Demyx, who wanted to just strangle Axel when he spotted him making out with Roxas again. As soon as Zexion got back over to him, he grabbed his hand and started running away. He glanced over his shoulder and screamed, "WHORE!" to both Roxas and Axel. He wouldn't let Zexion see who he was yelling at though, and continued running.

--

"Just curious, but sir, where are you taking me?" Zexion asked, looking up at Demyx as they drove off in the pick-up truck that Demyx oh so sneakily jacked from Leon. "Si! Si! Si!" Squealed Zowie, bouncing on Zexion's lap.

Demyx couldn't help but grin. "To my place, of course!" He told them, ruffling Zowie's head… hood… _thing_. "We're going to have a welcome home party for you!" this confused Zexion immensely. "Welcome home, but I never--"

"Like hell you haven't. I'll tell you the _whole_ story when we get there. But first, tell me why the kid can speak Spanish?" Demyx interrupted. Zexion smiled slightly. "Ah, yes, well his grandfather is Mexican, making Zowie's father part Mexican. So he just took the time to teach Zowie Spanish. I have a video of it here…" Zexion took out a video camera that he had planned on using for the day and lifted it up, and gestured to his bag that undoubtedly held other tapes of precious moments between Zexion, Axel and Zowie.

"Axel is _Mexican?"_ Demyx asked, confused. Zexion nodded. "Yes, on his mother's side. She took her husband's last name, Cunningham," he explained. Demyx 'hmmed' in response as he turned onto another street, the one that led to the dirt road up to their cabin. Zexion, in their silence, bounced Zowie on his knee as the boy sucked on his hand.

A few minutes later, they arrived and got out of the vehicle. Demyx called Leon to tell him where he was, and Leon was of course very upset about that. Demyx just shrugged it off and led Zexion into the cabin. Zexion couldn't help but think that this was so vaguely familiar. He had seen this room before… but how? He had never been here before in his life.

Demyx brought him out of his thoughts and confusion when he asked if he wanted to show him the Spanish learning videos. Demyx just secretly wanted to see how Axel acted around him when they were alone. They hooked up the camera and started one of the tapes up, and right after made themselves comfy on the couch. Zexion had pulled Zowie's hood off, revealing the full of his face for the first time.

Demyx was shocked, really. Zowie just seemed to be a chubby version of Axel, just with darker hair. He clearly had the same eyes and same face shape-- though, his lips belonged to Zexion. Zowie stared at Demyx as he slowly drifted off to sleep, his head having been on Zexion's chest and the man's breathing calming him down.

Once he did fall into a deep slumber, Demyx turned his head back to the screen, where a year younger Axel was sitting cross-legged on the ground in front of Zowie, teaching him simple Spanish words such as 'agua' 'gato' and 'ciones'. Demyx had to admit, seeing Zowie squeal 'ciones' and clap his hands repeatedly while giggling made him smile. Of course Axel would teach his kid how to say 'underwear'.

"_Hey, hey, c'mon kid, pay attention. Just cause yer mom has your favorite--"_

"_I am not his _mother_ Axel."_

"_Oh? Then what are you to him--"_

"_Quesadilla!"_

"_his second cousin? Good job, kiddo. Quesadilla, you tell 'im." Axel ruffled Zowie's hair as the small boy continued to spew out random Spanish words._

"_Si! Si! Grande! Estrella taco!" Axel laughed and ruffled Zowie's hair again._

"_Damn your awesome. You learn real fast-like, like your _mom_,"_

"_Not his _mother_!"_

"_Ah, shut up you whiner. Go make us some brownies," Zexion flipped Axel off in a playful manner, and Axel just chuckled._

"_Hey, yo, what about me?" The cameraman asked, the camera shaking around as Reno stood up and began walking around._

"_What about _you?_" Axel asked._

"_Ah, I am so pained, not getting the love I deserve from my dear brother and his husband… _"_ Reno complained in Spanish._

_Axel smirked, pulling Zowie in his lap as he stayed sitting on the ground. _"_ Stop whining, you know we're getting some tonight, for sure. Just have to… put him in the mood, is all._"_ He told Reno in the same language, grabbing his pack of cigarettes from the side table and lighting one up._

"_Hey, toss me one," Reno said back in English, one of his arms entering the view of the camera as he reached out for the pack of cancer sticks. Axel's eyes glanced at him, before he tossed Reno the whole pack. One of the cigarettes fell out, and Zowie reached for it._

"_Hey, no, moron. Don't you know that these little bastards are bad for your health?" Axel snapped, lightly bopping Zowie on the head as he took the cigarette away. He looked over into the archway that led to the kitchen. "Hey, Zex, want this last cancer stick?" He asked loudly. You could practically hear Zexion's grimace from the other room._

"_I shouldn't…" He mumbled, but a few seconds later he shuffled out and grabbed it, taking the lighter from Reno and lighting up the cigarette. "Aww, Zex-o, why aren't you in your sexy naked chef outfit?" Reno whined. Zexion glared at the camera, and said item shook as Reno laughed._

"_Maybe because Zowie is _right there_ and I'm not in any mood to--"_

"_Oh, Zowie, would you look at that, it's nap time! Let's go little buddy," Axel interrupted, standing up with the toddler and practically sprinting out of the room and presumably into Zowie's. Zexion sighed a deep sigh and gripped the bridge of his nose._

_When Axel skipped back out of the hall, he was stark naked. Zexion, having glanced at Axel through his hand, immediately turned red. He put both hands over his face. "I'm not getting out of this, am I…?" He asked, removing his hands only to reveal a small smile. Axel grinned and smoothly made his way over to Zexion and backed him up to a wall. "No way…" Axel chuckled softly. "Hey, hey! Don't forget about me, yo!" Reno snapped. _

The last thing that was in the video clip was the camera jerking and shaking as it was set on a side table and turned off. Demyx had both hands over his nose, trying to not have a nosebleed. "I hate to admit it," He said, muffled. "but Axel is really… really…"

"Big? Attractive? Yes… he is, isn't he? I suppose I'm sort of lucky that he's stayed with me all these years," Zexion said, rubbing Zowie's head gently. Demyx watched the gesture, and then remembered the main point of him kidnapping Zexion.

"Oh right! I have to tell you the whole story of… of well, epic!... Ness." He gleefully squealed, jumping slightly. Zexion looked confused. "What story?" He asked. Demyx frowned. "All right, sit tight, 'cause this is a loooong story, bud," He told Zexion, changing positions on the couch to where he was facing the other male and sitting criss-cross-apple-sauce! And then, he explained everything he knew.

--

Zexion was very, very confused. Beyond so, in fact. "So… Axel's been cheating on me for… for ever, basically," He asked, more statement like. Demyx nodded. "Yes,"

"And… I ran from him at the altar."

"Yes,"

"Then I lived with you for about three months…"

"I just told you this, yes,"

"I lost my memory and had Zowie?"

"Yes,"

"And now Axel has gone and gotten his other boyfriend, your cousin, pregnant too."

"_Yes_, Zexion,"

"And so now you and him are fighting over me,"

"Yes-- I mean, no! He wants you back, yes, and I'm just protecting you from him. I don't like you! I mean, I do! But I don't!" Demyx stuttered, panicking.

Zexion didn't answer this time, but rather just sat there staring at the ground. A few moments later, he stood up and gently placed Zowie in his place. "I… excuse me. I have to just… analyze all this information," He hesitated before slowly turning and leaving the cabin.

"I don't like you though!"

--

ENDDDDDDDD-ish. So um, is this at least better than the last one? **REVIEW**__and tell me in detail, PLEASE. Tell me what you liked and what you disliked, tyvm.

And no, obviously, I didn't end up using the Spanish x'D sorry for the trouble about that, guys.


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